Most people think listening is about waiting for your turn to talk.

It’s not.

Real listening is about noticing what isn’t being said - the pause before the answer, the shift in energy when a certain topic comes up, the way someone’s whole body relaxes when they finally feel seen.

I’ve always had this ability to understand people quickly. Not because I’m psychic or particularly gifted, but because I’ve softened enough to actually pay attention.

And in a world that rewards the loudest voice, quiet attention feels like a rare skill.

Hearing is passive. You hear words, you process information, you move on.

Listening? That’s different. It’s intentional. It invites you to slow down, hold space and let silence breathe without rushing to fill it.

Most conversations aren’t really conversations - they’re two people waiting for their turn to speak. We’re so focused on our next sentence that we miss the gold sitting quietly between the pauses.

I learnt early on that the most important part of understanding someone isn’t what they tell you outright. It’s what they reveal without even realising it.

When I sit with someone (whether it’s a client, a friend or a stranger), I’m not just hearing their words. I’m noticing:

The energy they carry. Does their body language match what they’re saying? Are they leaning in or pulling away? Do they light up when talking about some things and dim when others come up?

The language they use. Are they speaking in certainties or maybes? Do they say “I should” or “I want”? The words people choose tell you everything about how they see themselves.

The pauses. Where do they hesitate? What makes them stop mid-sentence? Those pauses are where the truth lives - the thing they’re working up the courage to say or the thing they haven’t yet named.

What they don’t say. Sometimes the most important thing in a conversation is what’s missing. They topic they skip, the question they dodge, the dream they mention once and never bring up again.

All of it tells a story if you soften your attention. Listening isn’t just about absorbing information, it’s about creating space for someone to come home to themselves.

I don’t ask many questions, but the ones I do ask tend to land deeply.

Not because I’m clever, but because I’m genuinely curious. I’m not asking to fill the silence or prove I’m engaged; I’m asking because I want to understand the bigger picture.

Some of my favourite questions:

“What would this look like if it felt easy?”
Most people are so focused on the hard parts that they forget to imagine the version where things flow.

“If no one was watching, what would you do?”
This one cuts through the noise of external expectations and gets to the quiet truth.

“What does this mean to you?”
People love to tell you what they think something should mean. But what does it actually mean to them? That’s where the real story sits.

“What are you not saying?”
This one is gentle but direct. It gives people permission to name the thing they’ve been holding back.

The best questions aren’t complicated. They’re simple, open-ended and asked from a place of genuine care, not agenda.

And here’s where it gets interesting. Listening isn’t just something you do in conversation - it’s how you build connection in every part of life, even your work.

Your personal brand isn’t only about how you show up, it’s about how people feel when they encounter you.

If you want to build a brand that truly resonates, learn to listen - to your audience, your clients, your community. Not just to their words but to their energy, their unspoken needs, their quiet desires.

Most people are shouting into the void, trying to be heard. But the ones who connect deeply are the ones who listen first.

When you understand people, you speak to them in a way that feels like you’re reading their mind. Your words land, your offer resonates and your content feels like it was written just for them.

Because, in a way, it was.

Here’s the irony: I wasn’t always a good listener.

As a child, I never really listened to adults. I’d hear what they said, then do things my own way anyway. I was stubborn, independent, sure I knew better.

But somewhere along the way, I learnt that listening isn’t about obedience or agreement. It’s about understanding, and understanding gives you choice.

When you truly listen to someone, you’re not just hearing their story - you’re witnessing them. And being witnessed is one of the most powerful gifts you can give another human being.

In a world obsessed with speed, noise and constant doing, the ability to slow down and listen is an act of rebellion.

It’s also an act of care.

I’m still learning to listen to myself with the same tenderness I give to others.

To notice my own pauses, ask myself the questions I ask my clients, and hold space for the parts of me that are still figuring out.

Because really understanding others begins with understanding yourself. And that requires the same quiet, patient attention you’d offer anyone else.

So here’s what I’m sitting with this week:

What am I not saying - to myself or to others?

Maybe you’re sitting with that question too.